When I think of forbidden love, my mind immediately goes to Juliet willingly ingesting a deadly poison all to be with her true love, Romeo. Romeo and Juliet, a love story written by Shakespeare is deemed one of the most romantic love stories of all time, but why?
Taking your own life to be with your one true love is the ultimate act of true love, and that is what we all look for in life, to feel and experience the ultimate love. It’s beautiful to watch, but hellishly painful when you’re the one experiencing it. Wanting someone you can’t have.
I wanted to title my story – serendipity. But that wouldn’t have been a true representation and perhaps a lie. A lie only because; currently, there is no happy ending to my story. Serendipity is the occurrence of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. Notice how I use the word currently, yeah I won’t lie, there is still a part of me that secretly hopes I’ll write a follow-up post with my happy ending one day. Call me a modern day Juliet, and my act of true love being hope.
My story is a mix of happy and sad occurrences that all took place over a couple years, chance and luck brought us together, but fate has kept us apart. A forbidden love. Not so much a story of Romeo and Juliet, but rather a story of bad timing. As in very bad timing, as in “COME ON! Are you kidding me?” bad timing.
Have you ever met someone that was just so right for you on so many different levels? They brought out the best in you, you connected, you felt 100% drawn to them in every way possible, yet you couldn’t be together, for reasons known or unbeknown to the both of you? In my case, the reasons were clear and the reasons were always another person.
In some aspect I am a realist, however, my realness is a tiny sprinkled layer that lies over a huge mountain of hopeless romantic beliefs. I believe in fate, chance and coincidence, which is why this story hangs so very heavy on my heart.
My spell of bad luck or shall I say my series of unfortunate events began almost 5 years ago. You should know the story by now; boy meets girl, boy and girl, become great friends, boy and girl fall for each other, the girl has a boyfriend, and now boy and girl can’t be together the end. Fortunately for you, my story doesn’t end there. Unfortunate for me I guess.
2 years later, we met up again, this time around I was single.
I turned around, my eyes met his, my heart was doing that overly exaggerated dance inside my chest, and my hands immediately began to sweat. It’s him! only now, an older, more facial hair version. He looked even more handsome than the last time I saw him.
“Oh my gosh, how are you?” I asked high pitched while leaning in to hug him.
His arms wrapped around my waist as if they belonged there for years. That’s where I wanted to stay, safely comforted in his embrace (he smelt so good) how long is too long to hug someone until they begin to feel uncomfortable I think myself. I didn’t care, it had been years and fate finally brought us back together. I couldn’t wait to tell him I was single.
“It’s so good to see you,” he said, flashing a huge grin, his eyes lighting up, hand lightly gliding through his hair.
“Wait here!, there’s someone I want you to meet”
Huh, who could you possibly want me to meet? I think to myself. By this point, I started to get a little nervous, was it a friend, his mom (because dam too soon to meet your parents), his sister (does he have a sister, I remember him talking about his younger brother, but never a sister) and why did he look so excited? I took a huge gulp of my wine and there she was; beautiful, smiling, and more importantly, he was smiling. They held hands, my heart sunk, and at that moment I wanted the ground to open and swallow me up.
So again, boy meets up with girl years later, the girl is single, but boy is not single, they can’t be together, the end.
1 Year after that, we met up again, we had coffee, we spoke and it was lovely. He admitted to having feelings for me since the first day we met. I was shocked, but more so I was angry. I was furious with the universe for placing this amazing man in my life only to dangle him in front of my face years later. Pure torture, as if I was some naughty kid in a corner being promised a cookie yet never getting my damn cookie. I want my cookie dammit.
I sat in front of this man, the man I wanted to envelop into my arms, smiled and wished him all the best with his beautiful Girlfriend. “Don’t forget my invite to the wedding” The words cut my throat like razor blades as they came out. I knew I had to let him go, and I knew it would be unfair to confuse his mind with my feelings.
I haven’t seen him since.
This wouldn’t be one of my famous posts if I didn’t share what I took from this whole situation.
I’m not the biggest Billy Crystal fan but “When Harry Met Sally” is by far one of my favourite movies, especially for the melodrama rendition of serendipity. I’d like to believe that maybe one day in a few years, myself and this guy will meet up again, we’ll have coffee, he’ll tell me he’s single, and I’ll tell him I’m single, and we’d live happily ever after. This is possible, I have read copious amounts of stories where fate brought two people together despite their circumstances. Albeit, I am one part realist, one part romantic, and the realist in me also needs to take into account, that yeah, maybe I’ll never see this guy again, and he’ll move on and live happily ever after with someone else.
So then what have a learnt or taken away from this tale of forbidden love?
I know now, after experiencing similar situations to the one above (I have a magnet on my freaking forehead, that attracts men in relationships, not even overexaggerating – just wait for next week’s story) not everyone is meant for you and that’s OK. Sometimes people come into your life for a season, and when their season is up, they leave. We can’t hold onto people who were only meant to stay for a season. If we do this, we’ll be blocking the path for someone else who is meant to stay for a lifetime.
This guy doesn’t know it, but I thank him often. Because of him, our friendship and our feelings, I discovered my buried emotions that I had hidden away for years. This had opened my eyes and I was able to get out of a toxic relationship that I stayed in purely based on comfort.
So perhaps the role he played in my season was to teach me just that.
I believe in timing, and if it’s not the right time, no matter how hard you fight, it’s just never going to work out. My advice to you is; go on with your life, meet new people, kiss someone new, fall in love, fall out of love, live. If this person is meant to be, then years later you’ll meet up again, and it will be the right time. But I urge you, as hard as it might be; don’t sit alone waiting, you might end up waiting forever, and that would be silly. By waiting, you’ll miss all the love, beauty and joy that life has to offer you.
There is a big world out there waiting for you, go live and embrace all it has to offer.