All my single ladies (now put your hands up!)
I could write a long list of annoying things single people get told, but today I’ll focus on tinder.
How frustrating is it when you’re coupled up friends and or family say: “Why don’t you try tinder, I’ve heard so many success stories”?
I wish you could see my expression as I write this – Picture Heather Mooney from Romy and Michele’s High school Reunion – Better yet, I’ll link the youtube clip here – This is my exact reaction when someone tells me to try Tinder.
“BUT, you never know, you might meet the one”
Ok, you know what Sharon, “The One” is not on tinder… “The One” is named Brett Young and he’s a country singer from Orange County. (side note – Loving country music right now)
Ok, maybe I should elaborate on the reason for my hostile reaction. They usually ask this tinder question after my response to the age-old question – “So any man in your life yet?” to which I respond – “Nope” Then BAM, they hit you with that tinder BS. Now, it’s a different story, if I was wallowing on my bedroom floor, crying, wine bottle in hand, organising my wedding Pinterest board, but I’m not (and believe me I’ve been there – another post for another day). Ok, fine, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, I suppose there’s no “good” response, especially after I declare “I’m still single”, but if the roles were reversed, I’d just offer you some garlic bread and ask for your opinion on whether you’re happy that Kim Kardashian is Brunette again- Personally not a fan, loved the platinum blonde.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is, yes I know as my friend you mean well, and you want to see me happy, or maybe you’re just sick and tired of organising events with me being the odd number, but honest, I’m not sad, I’m not broken, and I’m not depressed. I’ll save you the headache of me going off on a tangent about just how happy I am, but honestly, I am, and it’s very important for a woman to know they do not need a man to make them happy. I’ve said this many times before, and I’ll say it again; Happiness starts with you booboo, that Shiz is precious, don’t place your sparkle in the hands of someone else.
So, having said ALL of this, I decided perhaps I should do a little home experiment and download the app, maybe I would prove myself wrong. Maybe I’d meet a Brett Young look-a-like, maybe it’s not as scary as all the stories I’ve heard – FYI – the stores are BAD and SCARY.
The online dating scene is scary AF. Like what is it even? It’s a lot like Jumanji. An effing jungle and we’re all players trying to make it out alive. I mean, Id like to see myself as “Dwayne Johnson’s character, but let’s be honest, you’re looking at Jack Black here.
Tinder – I’ve never been a fan and have always been reluctant to try it out. I don’t know, I feel like “love” that special-someone, it shouldn’t be linked to a device, an app, or an online connection. I believe in meeting people the organic way – and by organic I mean in a wheat field out in Texas – jokes aside, call me old-fashioned, call me an old soul, but there’s nothing more exciting than seeing, or meeting someone (in person) connecting with an actual face-to-face conversation, and embracing these connections with each other in real life. There is just so much more excitement and butterflies involved in that whole scenario. I am a hopeless romantic at heart, OMG are you kidding me, I love, LOVE, which is exactly why I don’t feel comfortable placing something so meaningful on an app that lives on my phone.
Being in the right place at the right time. Oh, I don’t know, maybe one evening I worked late and my boss kept talking to me about the tasks for tomorrow, and the whole time in my head I’m thinking “dude, enough, I’m tired, I want to go home” eventually I leave, get in the lift, and there he is, and we finally chat and bam, the guy I’ve been crushing on finally knows I exist. If I’d left any earlier, I wouldn’t have seen him, if I left any later the same would apply. That moment was meant to be. I live for moments like that in my life and in all aspects of my life. Destiny, coincidence, it had to happen, because it was supposed to happen – that stuff is crazy beautiful and is way more exciting than some notification on my phone.
Bearing all of this in mind, I reluctantly downloaded tinder, hesitant and nervous AF.
For those of you, who have never tried or know of tinder. Tinder is an online dating app (but its reputation says otherwise) There are three so-called steps, the first two steps include your setup and the last step, to play “the game” of Jumanji.
Player One – Enter – Jack Black
Step 1 – Upload 6 images of yourself. Contrary to popular belief this step was the most difficult part for me. So basically, what I got from this was that I needed to “sell” myself / my image in 6 photos. I needed to choose these 6 images strategically to grab your attention (other players). I am trusting in these 6 images, hoping you’ll see them and like them, thus resulting in swiping right. Ok, so maybe by this point, some of you are saying; “OMG, what does it matter?, just upload 6 images” It didn’t matter what images I uploaded. What made me question this app was that the concept already looked shallow. For another woman downloading this app, that oh, I don’t know, has low self-esteem, might think she’s not good enough based on her appearance alone. That wasn’t ok with me, and I feared I would fall into that thirst trap for instant validation.
Step 2 – Player must write up a bio about themselves. That three letter word; bio. Now not only do I need to sell my image, I also need to write up something that is, sweet, quirky or funny. If I leave it blank do I appear uninterested? If I list all my favourite things to do, does it appear overwhelming? Do the other players even read bios? That bio block was looking a lot like the space on a CV where you fill in your strengths and weaknesses.
- “Loves long walks on the beach and the sweet sounds of the backstreet boys,” – This is 100% true
- “Just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her,” – Not true – but come on, Notting Hill – One of my fav’s
- Trustworthy, people skills, a hard worker – Job application 101?
Step 3 – Player now gets to play – Swipe left or right. Ok easy enough right? If I find you attractive, and your bio stands out, I’ll swipe right. If not, I’ll swipe left. Not that easy! I am far from “that” girl that bases attraction off looks alone. I fall for a person’s personality first before anything else. And I have NEVER ended up with anyone that was “my type” so now I’ll be swiping based on “my type” of “ideal” man, yet nothing other than their looks has attracted me. I swipe left because you’re not “attractive” and I use that word loosely, but you might be the funniest, sweetest, most down-to-earth type of guy. I shopped and eliminated “products” based on features – this was NOT ok with me.
I had this app for 4 days and the feared judgemental behaviour was in full swing.
- He took a selfie – swipe left.
- Dad sunglasses – swipe left.
- Flexing – swipe left.
- Too muscular – swipe left.
- No hair – swipe left.
I felt so shallow – Hey, just call me Shallow Hal – another Jack Black movie reference – are you seeing a pattern? In all seriousness, I hated this false sense of entitlement the app gave me, so trust me when I say when it came time to disable my account and delete the app, I was relieved.
Every guy I have ever dated, or had a fling with or crushed on did NOT result based on their looks at all. It was all because of who they were as people, and how they treated me. So it made me question this app even more so, where I couldn’t wait to delete it. – How can I now “find love” on an app that relies solely on looks alone.
Don’t even get me started on the “matching” part of this app. I fear I might need to write part 2… I’m going way over my word count here. “Oh I have a match” instant validation, someone finds you attractive – instant validation. I don’t need an app to validate me, let alone a guy on the other end of this app to validate me. I do that every damn day.
You can probably sense my passionate dislike by now, but before I end off, and before a few of you come at me. Yes, 100% there have been many success stories, and I know a few of those success stories personally, and they’re amazing couples today, who are happy and who have been going strong for years.
BUT – come on, have sensed a BUT coming…..
But, as much as other people might have found love, I can’t go against everything I believe in and value hoping after hours of swiping left, I’ll find Mr Right. I was discussing this post with a friend, and she said this to me
“SO much of my life is on this device in my hand, I couldn’t imagine my love life being there too,”
I have never related to something so much in my life and I’ll end off my post with this:
It truly doesn’t matter how, or where you find love, as long as you stay true to who you are and in the end are happy.
Photography by – Tegan Smith Photography